the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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