I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
