Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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