the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You made out with two different species that night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
