It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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