I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
