ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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