Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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