Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
