Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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