Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
