i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
