Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
