I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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