you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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