Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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