I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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