New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
