I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
