She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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