She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
