this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
