My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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