woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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