You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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