WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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