I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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