I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
