i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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