I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
