: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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