it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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