I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
