I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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