it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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