the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
