I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You dont lie about slip and slides
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
