I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
