So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
