i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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