What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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