girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
