She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
