Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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