Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
