How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
