i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
