To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
