Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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