my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
